Congratulations to all you Brits on a wonderful Olympiad. I was addicted. In fact, the games made me so tired that I thought some of these were actually humorous.
We got the Spice Girls, and the rather ludicrous sight of a bunch of former druggie musicians and models at an event that was supposed to be clean and inspiring. There were a few things we didn’t get, however, so here’s my list – Five things I wish I’d seen at the London Olympics Closing Ceremony.
1 – A more prominent Royal.
Prince Henry of Wales, as he’s officially known, presided over the closing ceremony last night. Harry, as he’s more widely known, is third in line to the throne. If you count the incumbent, he’s actually the fourth who can claim the crown. That doesn’t even get him a Royal Bronze.
And what if Harry had been busy last night like his Royal Gran, his Dad and brother? He’s only two spots ahead of that lass with the truly awful hat and I’m sure Prince Andrew would have gladly stepped aside, if only to see the crazy outfit she’d come up with, just for a laugh.
And finally, the Duchess of Cambridge was at the closing ceremony, so where was William, exactly?
2 – Some Tea
Forget your cultural icons, your fashion and what not. What the closing ceremony needed, at least once, was a good strong cup of tea.
Surely that’s more British than that Greek toilet loiterer they had on?
3 – A wall/walk of shame
My own suggestion for reducing the cheating that goes on at these meets – show the names and pictures of disgraced competitors who were eliminated for cheating. Better still, walk them through the auditorium!
Drug cheats first and tanking badminton players second. Those who false-start at running races can be exempt because that rule’s pretty harsh already.
You might think it slightly distasteful, but try telling me you wouldn’t watch it! And try telling me the thought of being paraded around in disgrace in front of your law-abiding peers and a TV audience of more than 1 billion wouldn’t make a few dodgy athletes think twice about playing up.
4 – A per-GDP medal tally.
Everyone knows that Olympic success doesn’t just come down to natural talent.
How do you think China went from ZERO swimming medals in 2000 to TEN swimming medals this year, including 5 gold? They didn’t grow those swimmers on trees. They spent money – bundles of it – on high performance coaching (much of it in Brisbane, Australia, in fact).
If you re-count the medal tally according to national GDP per capita, you get to see those countries really punching above their weight. The ones doing it against the odds, essentially on raw talent and little else. Looking at things that way, the big winner from the games was actually Ethiopia, followed by China in second (OK, that might be an exception given the money they’ve got access to) and then Naughty Korea!
5 – Iron Maiden!!!
We got the Sex Pistols in the opening ceremony (audio, at least). How could they have a British musical exposition during the closing ceremony without featuring The Irons?
I kept hoping, but as things drew nearer and nearer to a close, when all I wanted was Bruce Dickinson singing “Two Minutes to Midnight”, all I got was some old geezer singing the theme from CSI.