WTFOMGBBQ!!
It’s just been announced that Australia has been awarded a wildcard entry into Eurovision 2015!!!!
How did this happen, you ask?
WHO CARES!?!?
We’re going to Eurovision, baby!
Eurovision has grown in popularity every year here in Australia and we send a TV crew to Europe every year to cover the event. Last year, we were invited to provide a non-competitive performer for the contest. A little light entertainment. Jessica Mauboy took on that role and did well.
But now we’re actually in the contest itself. AND we get to vote!!!
All this begs the question – who will represent Australia at Eurovision?
Sadly, it seems that we don’t get a public vote on the matter. SBS Television are going to pick the artist themselves.
For what it’s worth, however, here are my nominations. You can figure out for yourself which ones are tongue in cheek and which ones are real (if any).
Douze points
Akka Dakka playing pretty much anything!!
Australia should get the CSIRO working on a way to reanimate Bon Scott so that he can strut the stage in Austria and bring the contest back to Festival Hall in Melbourne.
What would be better than a zombie Bon Scott singing If You Want Blood – or anything, really – at Eurovision?
Nothing. That’s what.
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Dix points
Painters & Dockers – Nude School
From 1987. Pigs and nudity. It’d probably be more appropriate if Eurovision was being held in France, but Austria will have to do.
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Huit points
Gotye – Somebody That I Used To Know
Gotye would make a decent representative, though he’d have to come up with something new – and quick. If he can do something that went this big, it’d be huge.
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Sept points
Midnight Oil – Power & The Passion
OK, so the Oils might be a little too serious for something as fun as Eurovision, but Peter Garrett’s dancing would go down a treat for the theatrics.
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Six points
Joe Dolce – Shaddap You Face
Maybe it’s time Australia gave something back to Europe? This actually went to #1 in 15 countries around the world. Believe it or not.
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Cinq points
Kylie Minogue – Spinning Around
The singing budgie is an Australian icon. Even if we can’t get her to do a reunion gig with Jason Donovan, a Kylie solo gig should be enough to secure the win.
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Quatre points
Paul Kelly – Every F’n City
It’s way too melancholy for Eurovision, but why not share every 20-something Aussie tourist’s recollection of their gap year in Europe?
Language warning…..
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Trois points
Men At Work – Land Downunder
Re-releasing this for Eurovision would be an obvious choice if you’re after Australian kitsch, but I’ll let you in on a secret…… most Aussies are really, really sick of it. The exceptions are few – when you’re overseas and a little homesick, when you’re drunk at a party (also preferably overseas), or in celebration of an Australian win at some big international contest.
Eurovision would fit this list of exceptions perfectly.
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Deux points
Olivia Newton-John – Physical
Admit it, you’d love to see this re-created. You just would.
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Un point
Sia – Chandelier
The sensible choice for being current, for musical quality and theatrics. But who wants sensible?
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With apologies to Cold Chisel, Farnesy, Guy Sebastian, Dennis Walter and a re-animated Peter Allen, the last of whom would simply be too big, even for a contest like Eurovision.