WTFOMGBBQ!!
It’s just been announced that Australia has been awarded a wildcard entry into Eurovision 2015!!!!
How did this happen, you ask?
WHO CARES!?!?
We’re going to Eurovision, baby!
Eurovision has grown in popularity every year here in Australia and we send a TV crew to Europe every year to cover the event. Last year, we were invited to provide a non-competitive performer for the contest. A little light entertainment. Jessica Mauboy took on that role and did well.
But now we’re actually in the contest itself. AND we get to vote!!!
All this begs the question – who will represent Australia at Eurovision?
Sadly, it seems that we don’t get a public vote on the matter. SBS Television are going to pick the artist themselves.
For what it’s worth, however, here are my nominations. You can figure out for yourself which ones are tongue in cheek and which ones are real (if any).
Douze points
Akka Dakka playing pretty much anything!!
Australia should get the CSIRO working on a way to reanimate Bon Scott so that he can strut the stage in Austria and bring the contest back to Festival Hall in Melbourne.
What would be better than a zombie Bon Scott singing If You Want Blood – or anything, really – at Eurovision?
Nothing. That’s what.
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Dix points
Painters & Dockers – Nude School
From 1987. Pigs and nudity. It’d probably be more appropriate if Eurovision was being held in France, but Austria will have to do.
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Huit points
Gotye – Somebody That I Used To Know
Gotye would make a decent representative, though he’d have to come up with something new – and quick. If he can do something that went this big, it’d be huge.
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Sept points
Midnight Oil – Power & The Passion
OK, so the Oils might be a little too serious for something as fun as Eurovision, but Peter Garrett’s dancing would go down a treat for the theatrics.
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Six points
Joe Dolce – Shaddap You Face
Maybe it’s time Australia gave something back to Europe? This actually went to #1 in 15 countries around the world. Believe it or not.
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Cinq points
Kylie Minogue – Spinning Around
The singing budgie is an Australian icon. Even if we can’t get her to do a reunion gig with Jason Donovan, a Kylie solo gig should be enough to secure the win.
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Quatre points
Paul Kelly – Every F’n City
It’s way too melancholy for Eurovision, but why not share every 20-something Aussie tourist’s recollection of their gap year in Europe?
Language warning…..
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Trois points
Men At Work – Land Downunder
Re-releasing this for Eurovision would be an obvious choice if you’re after Australian kitsch, but I’ll let you in on a secret…… most Aussies are really, really sick of it. The exceptions are few – when you’re overseas and a little homesick, when you’re drunk at a party (also preferably overseas), or in celebration of an Australian win at some big international contest.
Eurovision would fit this list of exceptions perfectly.
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Deux points
Olivia Newton-John – Physical
Admit it, you’d love to see this re-created. You just would.
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Un point
Sia – Chandelier
The sensible choice for being current, for musical quality and theatrics. But who wants sensible?
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With apologies to Cold Chisel, Farnesy, Guy Sebastian, Dennis Walter and a re-animated Peter Allen, the last of whom would simply be too big, even for a contest like Eurovision.
I usually let differences of opinion slide (eventually), but when you’re wrong Swade, you’re wrong. We don’t want to see Olivia Newton John again. Ever. Especially so doing ‘Physical’.
AC/DC would be killer though, and quite frankly your other suggestions would be shoe in too… to the point where I’m surprised they even let us compete. I’m sure EU politics will see a voting conspiracy against us, though.
That and our country’s general reluctance to wear sequins…
Oh, come ON, Ben. Get your kitsch on.
Peaches/Cream.
Hand/Glove.
ONJ/Eurovision.
It’s a match made in heaven 🙂
Just a bit of useless trivia, BUT, ONJ has already competed in the Eurovision..representing the Mother Country, in 1974, same year as a little Swedish band called ABBA won the competition.
Can’t get more Australian than John Williamson – Raining on the Rock. Or Rip Rip Woodchip if you want to be a bit more political!
I’ll vote for you! If you win then it wont take up primetime television hours up here in the north. 😛
Sadly, we don’t get to host it when (not if 🙂 ) we win. It’ll still be hosted in Europe at a location that would be decided by the organisers but with Australian input into the production.
Gotye is half Belgian. What about Ice House ? 🙂
I can’t stand Eurovision but I would love to see AC/DC strutting their stuff in Austria.
If you can somehow get a reanimated Bon Scott out there too, I will vote for you but only if you can get the Australian organisers to agree to host their win in Scotland. After all, Bon was from Kirriemuir!
What is it with Aussies and ESC…?!? 🙂
Australia seems like a rock and roll country from afar. What about Radio Birdman or the Saints?
Then again, my girlfriend informs me that Eurovision isn’t about “good” music, in a conventional sense.
Your girlfriend is correct 🙂
It’s hard to pin down, but Eurovision winners tend to have a decent song with just the right amount of willing embarrassment. It’s some magic formula of being memorable, catchy and melodic.
In that case: congrats to your speedy continental drift and welcome to Europe 🙂 Don’t make any mountains upon Impact though.
As you have illustrated, Swade, lots of good music comes out of Australia.
And since Eurovision’s elastic definition of Europe includes Israel then Australia is surely no stretch. So I say, get your Priscilla gladrags on and go for it my Aussie chums.
DOUZE points would be Slim Dusty, naturally. Alas, Ol’ Slim Dusty has gone to the great bar-room in the sky, where they drink in moderation, of course.
ACDC are one of the greatest things ever. It is true that Bon and Angus were/are originally from Scotland, where there is much love for them, while Brian is originally from England. But on the whole I reckon it’s fair to say ACDC are an Australian band.
Gotye … I like this guy a lot. Might be a bit too indie for the masses, though.
Nick Cave is Australia’s finest musical export IMHO. He would be my first choice, with a gothic yet groovy stageshow.
I’m one of the 11,000+ people that signed the change.org petition to get TISM to represent Australia at the 2015 ESC. I have no regrets. 🙂
Don’t try it too hard, otherwise you will have to organize ESC 2016 !!!!